Duchy of Upper Hollywood (DUH)

Proclamation of Nov 19, 2020

Heroic citizens of Upper Hollywood and Burbank, I call you to arms! Pestilence invades our Duchy and seeks to maim and murder our families! Choose to protect yourself and your loved ones NOW, BEFORE THANKSGIVING!

The plague is mutating, and lurks invisible outside our doors! This unclean spirit travels through the air, using the breath and touch of one person to infect the next. Do not let your body be used as the vehicle by which the plague harms those closest to you. Do not be fooled into complacency because you wear a mask. Do not be fooled by pride because you do not wear one. Do not rely on the city and state bureaucracy, or their clumsy rules to protect you!

Winter is upon us, and California has been swept by a surge greater than the first wave of this pandemic. The invader has flooded into our Duchy from outside our borders, Death has taken 1 in every 50 Californians who have been infected with the plague, and over a million have been infected so far! Many others are not even aware they were infected, but are experiencing what may be permanent symptoms of severe fatigue, memory lapses, heart problems, digestive problems, headaches, and dizziness. Both young and old are vulnerable to these afflictions, that may haunt them even after the pandemic has passed.

Prepare for SIEGE, and purchase what supplies you need NOW. Stay at home for the week before Thanksgiving, and the week after. Avoid Thanksgiving gatherings if possible, but if you MUST attend, take these precautions. Have little or no contact with anyone outside of your immediate household during these two weeks. Do not go to restaurants or other public places. 2 days BEFORE you visit family for Thanksgiving, take a COVID test. Never go from one gathering to another gathering, even if they are small. 5 days AFTER you visit family for Thanksgiving, take another COVID test, and wait at home for the results while the plague claims the foolish outside. Do this, and we can stop the invader in his tracks!

We need not fear our enemy, but we must not fall prey to his trickery! Everyone who remains home and gets tested in the week before Thanksgiving is protecting YOU and everyone at the gathering from the plague. Everyone who remains home and gets tested in the week after Thanksgiving is protecting THEIR friends and coworkers from the plague. Do not let yourself, your children, your friends, or your parents end up in an overwhelmed hospital that is unable to provide proper care. Wait out this pestilence in safety, and be ready to strike back at our enemy! With the coming of the New Year, righteous victory over the plague will be within our grasp!

GOD SAVE UPPER HOLLYWOOD AND BURBANK

In Our Duchal Residence, in Our Duchy of Upper Hollywood, this nineteenth day of November in the year of Our Lord two thousand and twenty, in the first year of Our Reign.

Ari the First
Heir of House Schindler
Duke of Upper Hollywood
Protector of Burbank
Editor of the Desperate Times

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Copyright 2021 Ari Schindler.